. . . to all my company.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Posted by Ali at 8:44 PM
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Posted by Ali at 4:54 PM
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Posted by Ali at 2:57 PM
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Extensive courier duties also required.
- The rest of your life.
- Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily until someone needs $5.
- Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
- Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
- Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
- Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
- Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
- Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
- Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
- Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
- Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
- Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
None required unfortunately.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this - You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Posted by Ali at 8:15 AM
Monday, June 1, 2009
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old and wart-covered woman hobbled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the woman hobbled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, twenty-something bombshell beauty stepped out.
The father said quietly to his son, 'Go get your mother.'
Posted by Ali at 2:30 PM
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I thought these "words to live by" would do the trick!
If you missed yesterday's post, click here.
- When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.
- I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
- Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
- Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
- Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are hard.
- If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble.
- By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.
Posted by Ali at 6:00 AM