Sunday, December 21, 2008

Installing a husband

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NASCAR 6.0, NFL 5.1 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried r unning Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Dear Desperate,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad
program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3..0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck!
Tech Support

*I received this as a forward. Thought I'd share.


Dan Harris said...

Very funny! As husband hardware myself I can say it's wise to purchase the Husband 1.0 protection plan and make sure you install, run and consistently utilize cuddle 2.0, love letters 10.0, and register and participate in the standards body called the NGTBA (Never Go To Bed Angry). Balance your use of husband 1.0 for running errands, shopping, and honey-dos and install and create fun and exciting things both you and Husband 1.0 can enjoy. It's also important to give Husband 1.0 space and time in your household to run diagnostics, have some downtime and a chance to re-charge.

Thank you for making me smile!