HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN:
Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.
HOW TO TREAT A MAN:
Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN:
Friday, February 27, 2009
*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
A colleague who poops at work and is Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The following image might be offensive to some.
You have been warned.
But if you aren't offended, you will laugh.
So either way, you have been warned.
Either disgust or laughter will occur inside of you shortly.
Are you ready?
I hope so.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
My friend, Denise, tagged me on fb, but since I don't do much tagging, I'll just play along here on alidotes.
25 random questions about you and your partner:
♥ What are your middle names?
Duran and Kay
♥ How long have you been together?
Married for a year
♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We were engaged within six months of meeting each other.
♥ Who asked who out?
We were set up by a mutual friend, although he's not our friend anymore because he is evil.
♥ How old are each of you?
I'm PROUDLY 28; he is 32.
♥ Whose siblings do/did you see the most?
We see my sister almost daily. My husband is a great sport about this.
♥ Do you have any children together?
Henry and one on the way
♥ What about pets?
Jaeger (a dog), and yes, his name is Jaeger like the liquor although we named him Jaeger because it means "hunter" in German. Neither of us like JaegerMeister.
♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Money, which is also evil.
♥ Are you from the same home town?
♥ Who is the smartest?
Matt is Jeopardy smart. I'm book smart.
♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Mexican (various restaurants)
♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
♥ Who has the craziest exes?
♥ Who has the worst temper?
♥ Who does the cooking?
We both love to cook, especially together.
♥ Who is more social?
♥ Who is the more stubborn?
♥ Who hogs the bed?
♥ Who wakes up earlier?
♥ Where was your first date?
♥ Who has the bigger family?
We both have only one sibling. He has a larger extended family.
♥ Do you get flowers often?
Thank God, NO!
♥ Who is more jealous?
♥ How long did it take to get serious?
We were engaged, pregnant and married within one year.
♥ Who eats more?
I really cannot help myself. I see this on noggin every so often, and each time, I am laughing inside like the first time a 12-year old says "boob."
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Here is Chris Mann's Blissdom '09 recap. He is a total doll, as you will see for yourself. And check out my cameo!
Monday, February 23, 2009
My friend, Jendi, put together this brief video capturing her time at Blissdom. I love that just about everyone is on their laptop. And that's really how it was - whether we were in session or simply hanging out, we all had our laptops out and ready for the next great bloggy moment.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I totally get that people are weirded out by Yo Gabba Gabba. In fact, I was just telling my sister yesterday that Yo G is the type of show that kids probably watch while they are high. And by kids, I mean my former college self.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
If you've ever been to the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica or the French Market in New Orleans, then you know that street performers are a huge part of the vibrant and energetic experience.
This video, Song Around the World, is a lovely and touching mix of performers from across the globe. I especially love the involvement of the street performers from Santa Monica and New Orleans.
While in Cambodia, my sister and the team visited Tuol Sleng in Phnom Penh.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
This shout-out is to my blog friend, Nicole. She is a young mom of twin boys, and their family couldn't be any cuter.
Monday, February 16, 2009
I can't help it; I love this song.
. . . she's now the Asia's Hope Missions Coordinator for our church. That basically means that she will organize future trips for future missionaries beginning with the application process through the post-trip debriefing.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
And you should too.
This is my ABSOLUTE favorite thing about Noggin. Between shows they sometimes break with "Move with the Music." Boinga, a song from The Backyardigans, is often one of those featured songs. I kid you not, I LOVE this song. My house turns into a serious dance party when Boinga is playing (whether or not my son is awake).
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Years ago, a friend introduced me to this website, someecards.com. Instead of the traditional and often terribly cheesy electronic greetings, these are simple yet HILARIOUS postcard-like electronic greetings.
Friday, February 13, 2009
I wish I knew who deserved credit for this fantastic photo, but I received it in an email forward with a bunch of other animal pics.
So I've been tagged about 25 times on facebook, and basically I'm to post 25 random things about myself, and then I tag 25 others. Well, I'm not into tagging (isn't that graffiti, because if that's the case, I think tagging is neat minus the whole gang connection).
But I will post 25 things (random, whatever that means) about myself.
1) My son and I have the same birthmark.
2) I have a heart for adoption. I pray that its in the plans for me to adopt one day. Please, God?
3) I have a filthy mouth, and I'm okay with that. I don't think Jesus is though.
4) My husband and I are both introverts. We could spend the entire day together, never once interacting, and we would both tell you that we enjoyed the other's company.
5) I love living in the Midwest. I love the seasons, even Winter, and I love the pace - not too slow, not too fast. And the people are so kind - genuinely kind.
6) I've killed a chicken. I was four. Or was I three?
7) My son chews on dog toys. I let him.
8) Motherhood has made me a tree hugger (minus the pot smoking - I killed enough brain cells in college).
9) I've lived with dogs most of my life. I've slept in the same bed with dogs, shared furniture with dogs, swapped food with dogs. That's who I am, and if you aren't down with that, that's your problem.
10) My father is the smartest and hardest working person I know.
11) I have a relationship with my sister that I have never found in any two other people on this planet.
12) I love my Grandma. I love my Mom. A lot. But I see my Mom turning into my Grandma and me into my Mom. It's scary.
13) I proudly shop Craigslist, eBay, and etsy.
14) I love math.
15) I love the study of language.
16) My husband loves to make me breakfast, and he does so regularly. He melts my heart.
17) My husband taught me to shoot a gun. I loved it.
18) I love making things. Anything.
19) I'm a morning person.
20) I'm boy crazy.
21) I'm obsessed with Paul Simon.
22) I'm constantly struggling with whether or not to buy books. Books are good for the soul but not for trees.
23) The first thing I want to do when I get to Heaven? Smell my Grandpa. I miss his smell. A mix of beer and oily skin. A nostalgic combo.
24) When I was 13, I went on a six-week mission's trip traveling across Europe (sleeping in a tent). That experience was life-changing.
25) God has been so good to me - I don't deserve it.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say 'you're welcome.' (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying, 'shove it'!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
A dear fellow blogger friend (and now real-life friend) tweeted this idea for a cake.
I fell in love with it, and I have decided that it will be the cake that I serve for Henry's first birthday.
In fact, I love it so much that I am going to plan everything according to this idea - I'm thinking "classic" birthday with fun and vibrant colors, traditional games, and in case you were wondering, NO presents! He will only be one and is spoiled as is!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
You MUST check out Sandy's post about the elevator drama that I and 12 other lovely bloggers endured while in Nashville. Sandy has even included video from inside the elevator.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Thank you, God, for bringing Morgan home healthy and safe.
Posted by Ali at 1:00 PM
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
(Another email forward)
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Honey, I love you. And I know that you love me.
But please DO NOT send me one of these for Valentine's Day. I will surely puke all over you if you do.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
If you live in the Parker, Colorado area, please consider attending this precious celebration. And even if you don't live in Colorado, consider taking a bike or "wagie ride" anyway (if weather permits). Though I will be at Blissdom, I will be thinking of sweet Tuesday all weekend long.
Please visit this link (the embed code was not working). Morgan and Team Cambodia visited "the dump" yesterday. I can only imagine how surreal it is to witness people and children living and working on a landfill.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Oh, and speaking of the Super Bowl - Santonio Holmes basically won the game. As far as I'm concerned, that deserves an O-H!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Can you please say a prayer for Morgan? She is suffering headaches, and it held her back yesterday when the team visited a state-run orphanage. Headaches are not unusual for her, and more than likely, the heat is causing them.
(Sent as an email forward; and it's important to mention that I'm one year away from 30, but I figure that's close enough)
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up - walking twenty-five miles to school every morning, uphill...barefoot...BOTH ways!!!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today!
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!
There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter, ---with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and/or the end and screw it all up!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called
they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It
could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, a collections agent, you just didn't know. You had to pick it up and take your chances!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids.' Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen - forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing. You had to get off your rear and walk over to the TV to change the channel!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove - Imagine that!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!